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Oct. 14, 2022

MTP Dad Talk

MTP Dad Talk

Sometimes the best parts of the show are the parts you never see or hear.

In this bonus episode, The MTP Dads, Joe, Bob, and Dave break down (and have a breakdown) describing how hard being a parent really is.

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Hosts: Mike Marcangelo, Dave Clarke, Rayshawn Buchanan, Bob Kelly, Joe Malkin
Producer: Craig D'Alessandro

Inquiries: Craig@mtpshow.com

Transcript
Dave Clarke:

I don't know how you have a child to be honest with you, because this is fucking hard enough as it's let me just

Rob Kelly:

it's not easy. I'll tell you that it's not it's not something that's just like, oh, well, I did nothing today. No, you did a lot. Yeah.

Dave Clarke:

Did I tell you about how the she ate the like way too big piece of kibble like the first week we had her here and she like stopped breathing. Like she was like bark. She was making these like Reggie sounds and I was like, What's up with you like right after she started eating her breakfast and I was like, what's going on? She was like, and then she goes like, and then she's like trying to bark and no sounds coming out. And like trying to and she's like jumping around. And I immediately know that something stuck in your throat. But thankfully, thankfully, for work, we're all we're all trained. We're all actually trained in infant first aid because if you ever have like a little kid on set, you need to be able to make sure that they so they say you got to put your finger down and hook whatever.

Rob Kelly:

You gotta hook. You can't blame grab though. No more. I'm grabbing. No, grab.

Dave Clarke:

So I like felt I felt my finger down like her fucking tiny esophagus, my fingers about the size of her fucking esophagus. At this point. She's like, so tiny. And I hook it around and I feel this giant piece of kibble and it's fucking stuck like, standing up like fucking Stonehenge in her throat. And I had to like pull to get it out like it was a real thing. And then not a fucking bother on her after that. She just like went right back to your breakfast. I was like, just I was traumatized. I was. I was like, fuck, and I was like, it was the first time we had a second week we had her Leah went back to work. And it was my first week first day alone, whether my very first day on Wednesday, like the first Monday, that morning, and I was like, oh my god, I'm not gonna be able to do this. Anyway. Moving on.

Rob Kelly:

So before I move on, Joe, I don't know if you realize this too. But apparently dogs are exactly like babies because every story that dictates house is a story that I've been through just kinda like a little more serious. Yeah.

Joe Malkin:

Yeah, live. Tonight, we had to bring Kate into urgent care. And we were walking in and it was me, me and Megan because I was driving home from work and she was like, these two kids have way too much energy. You need to save me so I did. And yeah, one's got pinkeye the other one's got way too much energy. And everybody's like, Oh, they're the cutest and we're like, great. I'm about to pull my fucking hair out.

Rob Kelly:

Yeah, man.

Dave Clarke:

It's a lot. It's a lot I would imagine. I just I just didn't really know what I was getting into. That was my thing. I was like, it's dog. It's fucking having a dog but like when you got a puppy it's like

Rob Kelly:

yeah, there's a difference between a dog and a puppy a puppy is a shocking difference.

Dave Clarke:

I didn't not like

Rob Kelly:

but you got to think of it doesn't know how to fucking go to the bathroom though. Like a probably doesn't know. You have

Dave Clarke:

to watch her like 24 hours a day to because at least with a baby I'm not saying that at the dog is harder I guarantee to be religious. No, but at least with the baby the babies wherever the fuck you tell it to be. Right? Like you give them lunch put it you can just put it in a fucking crib or whatever. Like police start moving around. This little fucking asshole is silent and moves fast. So if I look away for a second and then like, she's, she's somewhere and I gotta go find her. And she's almost always like, eating poop or chewing a fucking electrical wire or like fucking drinking a foreign substance or

Rob Kelly:

puppies or babies. The more I hear the more puppies are babies like, yeah, it's wild, bro. Anyway, with kids, it's just when they get quiet. That's when you know.

Dave Clarke:

Yeah, that's the other day. I'm just getting over the fact that like because she used to bark in her crate all night right next to my fucking head and I'm just getting over the fact that like she she sleeps through the mostly through the night now. But now I wake up and I'm like, Why is she silent? And then I wake her oh yeah, that's all make sure she's not

Rob Kelly:

say everything you're saying. I'm like I go through this every

Joe Malkin:

constant struggle on

Dave Clarke:

and I just look whenever she's napping in the living room. I look over and I'm like she breathing

Rob Kelly:

your two sides of your brain like battle with each other. Of course, we got to take care of this human so perhaps like, but like, I want to fucking sleep bro. But also

Joe Malkin:

like, fuck this tiny human like,

Dave Clarke:

I made a terrible, terrible mistake. So

Rob Kelly:

funny. Then

Joe Malkin:

I walked into my bedroom last night and Caden was in there and he we figured out that he was sleepwalking. Now, Megan,

Rob Kelly:

that's a whole stage.

Joe Malkin:

It is because Carl did it for a while too. But he's literally just laying facedown like he passed out drunk in my spot in the bed and I went to pick him up and I must have woken him up at that point because he like half freaked out and then in one fell swoop, like slid under the magazine and was like I'm staying here and I was like, boy, fuck you. You ain't

Dave Clarke:

because you got to learn to sleep on couches.

Rob Kelly:

Gotta start because I almost went off on a tangent about one fell swoop. So we gotta go

Dave Clarke:

Greg If you were to turn that into a little 10 minute mini episode called that it parent called Walk.

Rob Kelly:

Yeah, we just we just had our own paracord Yeah, but maybe you know, that's fine that's paraglider

Joe Malkin:

maybe that's the next thing we do for something we just do like apparently like

Dave Clarke:

do like the wellness and wellness podcast

Rob Kelly:

that we we can't call the parent quarter. No, no. That's taken.

Dave Clarke:

All right. Let me go find these power rankings really quick. All right, Power Rangers.

Joe Malkin:

We